A letter from my future self

When we go about our lives, we very often contemplate about the past events or worry about what’s going to come up in the future. What we accomplish by doing that is missing the NOW – the moment when and where life is actually taking place. And whilst learning tools or techniques on how to be present and live in the now, are extremely useful for letting go of fight against what is (a.k.a. Reality), I was taught an exercise that I found extremely useful to ground myself. The exercise is simple and yet somehow scary: write yourself a letter from your future self.  Read More

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Planning as a tool to get more freedom

Summer is typically the time to slow down from the run we have throughout the year. It is time for doing nothing and enjoy every single moment. Maybe for you that means going on an adventurous travel or reading a book at a lake. Maybe it means sleeping in and going out. Whatever that might look to you, here are the reasons why I have found that planning can add more freedom to your summer (or any time of the year :)) Read More


Love is always the best choice

Love is a great emotion to have in your life. It comes in different shapes, sizes, tonalities and strengths. It can take you as a tornado, it can fill you up  slowly or it can cocoon you. Love is an emotion that makes you show up from a true and authentic space, making you shine and stand out. Today I want to talk about how to cultivate more love in everything you approach, be it your family life, people in your life or things that you do. Read More


Give yourself permission

Give yourself permission to be who you are. Give yourself permission to dream. Give yourself permission to be happy.

Give yourself permission to let go of the past. Give yourself permission to be free. Give yourself permission to be grateful.

Give yourself permission to own your life. Give yourself permission to change things you can change, and accept things you cannot. Give yourself permission to make peace with your past. Read More


Everything you’re looking for is already in you

My kids have been my greatest teachers as in they have triggered so many questions in me that I was eager to go and find answers for. My main work has been in discovering who I am as a person and what kind of person do I want to be for them. And for me. And for the world. On this journey the biggest lesson I have gotten so far is that everything – and I mean everything – that I am looking for, I can find within me right now. And so do you. Read More


What motivates us to do anything in our lives

Photo by Austin Chan on Unsplash

Motivation seems like such a fleeting emotion. Like something we have no control over and it shows up only when it feels like it. We typically want to have more of it and we blame the lack of it for not being fully present in our lives. But is it really something external that we have no control over? Or is it something we can create for ourselves and teach our kids to master by doing so? (Think before you choose an answer:)) Read More


How to feel

Feelings. We have so many of them and yet we try to avoid or repress so many of them. We try to always feel better and we engage in this never-ending run for happiness. For that one feeling that is some place out there, when we will reach a certain goal, when we will be achieving something. By doing this we are letting ourselves down because there is no happy out there at some point. The life that you have is the one you have created, why not enjoy it whilst living it and at the same time finding your way to happiness (amongst all the other range of emotions we have?) Read More


Emotional intelligence

 

Nowadays everybody must have heard about emotional intelligence. Why is emotional intelligence important? Because it helps us to live our lives better, it helps to recognise our needs and acknowledge the needs of one another, the needs of our children. It improves our connection to ourselves, and helps to connect to others. It gives us courage to be open and to risk vulnerability and exposure when we need help.  It gives us strength to offer others the kind of help they need, not the kind of help we think they need.

Emotional intelligence is one of my core values. It’s a skill, and it can be learnt and developed. This blog was born out of the need to create a safe space for sharing parenting stories. Maybe you have noticed that these stories are not so much focused on how to teach certain things to our children, but rather on how to be the best person we can be – for ourselves AND our children. Because children learn by example, they copy our emotions, our feelings, our behaviour, our value systems. As I learn and grow, I teach my children that it’s a valuable thing to heal, to grow, to try new things, to talk about what is, such as how we feel, and not swallow things up or pretend that feeling bad is bad and should not be allowed.

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The ego

Our ego is a part of us, just like the inner self, for example. It’s not who we truly are, but it can define quite a lot of our actions and how we feel about ourselves. Ego usually lives in the mind. If you train your mind through meditation or exploration for what there is, or journalling, or walking in nature, you can better manage your ego, too. What is a healthy ego and what is an unhealthy ego?

I would say a healthy ego is something which is kept in balance for a healthy level of  motivation and ambition in life. A healthy ego knows its boundaries. A healthy ego compares yourself with yourself, with your previous goals and ambitions and keeps your drive up. A healthy ego competes when there is a competition based on clear, fair, equal rues. An unhealthy ego? A fragile, unbalanced ego competes with others, in almost all daily situations, just to feel better at the expense of others. An unhealthy ego also compares itself to others, instead of oneself. 

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Mums are important, too!

Babies are important, but mothers are important, too! It’s so weird that in the so called developed countries all the focus is on the newborn baby, while the mothers stay in some kind of a grey zone. As if nothing has changed in their life, as if their post-natal bodies don’t ache. Mums are often left alone to ‘get over’ the birthing experience and all other ordeals. Just to get over… The truth is – it’s never over. Because the babies grow into toddlers, and toddlers grow, and teenagers grow, and the children are your children for the rest of your life. Forever. Always.

As expectant mother and later as a mother of young children I saw that there is quite a lot of practical support which can be organised: post-natal homecare (kraamzorg), or grandparents if you have any, or helpful and supportive friends or other mums. Even our neighbours offered some help. However, I felt that the emotional and mental support was mostly lacking – as mums we are just expected to take our role automatically. It was our decision, yes it was. And yet – traditional, community oriented cultures are not leaving their mothers alone in bewilderment, or suffering, or post-natal depression. Mothers need to be nourished, and supported, and nurtured, and listened to. We need that mental sanity to be the best parents we can for our children – for the next generation. Mental and emotional health of mothers is highly important to secure a safe primary attachment for the baby, to build an emotional bond. If that is not alright, babies and children suffer and grow up into adults which can have quite some mental hardships in life. Read More