Getting off the hamster wheel

End of the year is the time when we start thinking about how our life has been this year and what we have achieved… or not achieved. We ask ourselves what our life is all about and sometimes we might blame ourselves for living it in a “hamster wheel’ mode. We do thing after thing, all that is expected from us (or so we think) and yet we feel exhausted and unfulfilled. Today I invite you to join me on turning that introspection into refocusing on what you want to see at the end of 2020. Read More


Shouting will never create the best results

I must admit that today writing this I almost feel like an impostor because myself in a recent history could have totally benefitted from having this thought pattern laid out clearly in front of me. I totally got into the shouting monster who disconnects from everyone just because I thought that would lead me to the result I wanted. It didn’t. It led me to a result but definitely not to the one I wanted really. Today I want to encourage everyone to think that even when we feel like there is no way out from us getting upset at our kids, our reaction it is always a choice we make and when we fail at being the adults we want to be, let’s not fall down an endless spiral of shame and guilt (hint, that is also not useful). Read More


Our future will become what we do today

It is such an obvious statement yet so often it is overlooked. We often do things short term. Without looking, thinking about the big picture of our life. Often we do what we do because we feel like we have no other choice (who doesn’t eat a cake at a birthday party) or because we have to do it (e.g., planning your life in a way that your family, house and many other aspects are taken care of but somehow there is no longer time for you). Sometimes we do what we do because we have never even thought about whether it serves any good purpose – those are simply learned behaviours that we have accepted as something one does. Today I want to talk about two things – becoming aware of our lives,a whether we enjoy them right now and realizing that sometimes for the better future outcome we have to do the boring thing right now (totally exciting, right? :)) Read More


Loving the cracks

Crack: to break something so that it doesn’t separate, but very thin lines appear on its surface

Have you ever walked in  nature and noticed a crack that has made you think there is a story of that crack? A crack that has been made there because something important has happened here? We do accept cracks in nature as something we can learn from and appreciate but we do not look the same way at cracks in ourselves and those around us – those we try to hide and with quick fixes. Today I want to talk about the cracks that make us more beautiful than ever and why it is important to love them. Read More


Life is always going to be 50/50

We all long for happily ever after. We are wired to look for that outcome. Where we have fought the fights, we have slayed the dragon and therefore life should be unfolding in only good ways, where everything is going according to a plan – your plan. And when it doesn’t happen that way all the time, we somehow get into blaming the world, the others, the government, you name it, you blame it. We want to avoid the feeling of disappointment and we start to over indulge: we eat too much, we drink too much, we spend too much, we watch movies too much, we do sports too much. We go to the side where we think we will be able to forget the feeling of disappointment by avoiding it. But what about questioning the necessity of the “happily ever after” and rather leaning into “life is always going to be 50/50 and that’s OK”? Read More


Fear of missing out

This post is written in 2019 and information today can serve as a blessing or a curse. The amount and the frequency with which we have access to any information has created reality for us where we are afraid that we might be missing out on something exciting (or important) that others are having and or doing. The latest news on the travel discount, the update on the school activities, information about what our friends are doing or something important at work. Our fear of missing out or FOMO is why we keep reacting to every ping and message and a phone call and, as soon as there is a moment where we are not occupied, we reach out for our phones to check if we haven’t missed anything.

Now, I don’t judge myself for having had this fear (which occasionally still is popping up)  – after all fear is one of the basic emotions. Fear is what fuels so many of our reactions because we are brought up that way.  However, once you bring up the why of your fear (which is a thought in your mind), you realize that the only thing you are missing out is being present now.  For your work, your kids and family,  for your friends and maybe most importantly – for yourself. You miss out on being where and who you actually are. Read More


On projections

Featured photo by Chase Wilson on Unsplash

 

We all have different values, belief systems, level of awareness and openness of mind and heart. Judgements and ego projections come from the ego mind. If we want to control others, we project our expectations on them. If we don’t want to deal with the true reasons for our inner insecurities, we pass harsh judgements about others. When we become aware of these mind games, we can do something about them. A meditation or mindfulness practice, a trip to the mountains, a fishing trip, a walk on the seaside – anything which helps us to become aware and give compassion to ourselves so that we don’t have to judge and project our expectations and insecurities on others.

Why are mental projections dangerous? Because they limit our perception of others. And they can be just unpolite, rude, and unjust, if not passive-aggressive. People act differently even in the same situations, and even more so – in different situations. And that’s fine – because we are not the same all the time. When we meet a stranger, the first gut feeling can be right, but it can also be misleading. Somebody didn’t answer your cheerful hello? And you rush to a conclusion that they are so bad behaved and therefore certainly a lower social status and you don’t have to respect them? But maybe the other person is just tired, or stressed, or in sorrow? And social status is totally a projection of the ego mind, because the truth is – we are all equal. We all were born to our mothers, and we will all die. And when we will lie on our death bed – would our social status really matter? Or would our legacy matter much more? Legacy, not inheritance. Are we going to leave this world a better place through our thoughts and actions? Read More


How to set goals

Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash

Setting a goal to me is about the destination and about the journey. It is about learning from through the experience and discovering new things about the life and myself. If we set goals, we give ourselves direction where we want to go and the process of getting there is definitely teaching a thing or two to us about us. Goal setting can be extremely useful in any setting because, as just mentioned – it is a direction for you. You tell yourself what is going to be important in your life now and/or helps you set a course for where you want to arrive. Whilst typically I’ve heard talking about goals more in professional or sports life, setting them for you is a powerful experience that lets you evaluate your life. And the good thing is that you don’t need a new year to start thinking about or set the goals. Read More


End of summer organizational reboot

I remember myself past year looking forward to September when the kids go back to school and feeling quite desperate because I had no clue how to organize life in a way that I wouldn’t feel exhausted and burnt out. I remember the year before and that feeling was even bigger. And then, as I am sitting now, I can say that I don’t have it any more. What is the difference between all these versions of me? It’s the way that I have approached the preparation for aftersummer adaptation. Let me tell you more. Read More


Secure primary attachment

I went back to my homeland for summer holidays. And I met my parents, and I met my 90 years old grandmother. We stayed in her house, and I relived my childhood memories of summers spent there, close to a little river where we went catching the river crabs, close to a lake where I learnt to swim. And only 3km from the Baltic sea, so I remember the fresh Nothern winds. I remember the smell of linden trees blossoming, buzzing of bees in the promise of honey to be eaten on the pancakes baked by my grandma.

We all want to feel safe, that is one of our basic human needs. Is emotional safety any less important than physical safety, such as shelter and food? It appears so when observing how we live in our modern, ‘developed’ world. And yet, safe first attachment is very important for development of a healthy human being, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Feelings of insecurity, need for control, also mentally difficult conditions such as depression – they all can be rooted in the broken attachment styles. It’s summer, and visiting the countryside where I spent my most summers as a child made me think – are these cherished memories an example of a secure emotional attachment? Or maybe these memories were a refuge from the home life with my parents where emotional safety was seriously challenged? Read More